When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
