i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
