I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
