The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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