I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
