Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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