I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
