Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
