the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
