Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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