I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
