Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
