well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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