saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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