They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
