I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
