Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
