WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
