I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
