so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
