do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
