The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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