me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
