I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
