Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
