peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm too high and old for this...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
