Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
