My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
