we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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