masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
