Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
