ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
