I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
