lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
