He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
