The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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