Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
