time to smoke my breakfast
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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