My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
