The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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