We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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