I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm both gender and math confused
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
