I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
