My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
