so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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