I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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