Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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