you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
