Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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