my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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