My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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