Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
