Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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