so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
