Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
