My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
