I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
