You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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