I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
