I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
